My Little Secret And What I’m Learning From It

I have secrets.

You know, those little things that you don’t want to tell anyone about and you’re always afraid that other people can see through you and see what you’re hiding?

My little secret?

I care too much about what other people think.

In fact, it too often drives me more than what God thinks about me. Why? I’m not really sure. I guess it’s because I can see the direct and immediate results from someone else thinking negatively about me. God’s opinion usually takes a little longer to reveal itself.

The truth? It’s not really that I care that much that people think positively about me. It’s more that I don’t want them thinking negatively.

And so I try – and try – and try.

I try to make them not get a negative opinion of me. I’ll even give a little bit here and there on what I feel is right in order to keep them happy.

Why the confession?

Because I’m done – for now I’m done. I know that it’ll be a fight again in the future, but for now I’m done.

Do other people’s opinions of me matter? Sure. I want to be someone that shines a light everywhere he goes, but not at the expense of knowing and pleasing “The Light.”

Are you with me? 

11 Comments

  1. Oh, I’ve struggled with this one too, Jonathan. That one and comparing myself to others. I like how you said it, “The truth? It’s not really that I care that much that people think positively about me. It’s more that I don’t want them thinking negatively.” I’ve been there…it’s not as frequent nowadays but it was a huge problem in my 20s. In my 30s, it’s gotten better. In a couple months I’ll be 40. I hope in my 40s, I just won’t give a hoot! ;) I just want to stand up for what God tells me to stand to up for and live the way He desires me to live. If I offend people…so be it.

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  2. I agree with Georgie. I was just thinking about this the other day. We’ve been attending a new church the past couple of months and I’ve gone in there and just been myself. If people love me, they love me, if they don’t, they don’t…their loss. Of course we always want people to like us but not everybody will, so like Georgie, I don’t give a crap anymore! :)

    And it’s workin out for me – they all seem to like me. :)

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  3. John Bates

    I really appreciate the honesty of this. I have had and have still a long struggle with the “relationship debt”. Something in me is convinced that if I’m not doing more for the other person than they do for me they’ll decide that I’m not worth relating to. It’s gotten much better lately as I’ve slowly started to realize that the real relationship (Jesus) is completely one sided and He loves me more every day.

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    1. Wow. I so understand what you’re talking about here. I think you nailed the key to both problems. His love isn’t earned and it was completely one-sided (while we were still sinners…).

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  4. Hi Jonathan, I’m new here, was introduced via email from google saying, ‘Here’s someone you might be interested in!’ Well, I am! I loved your blog; straightforward, honest and exactly where I’m at at the moment! Shouldn’t be, as I’ve been around a while, but, I am pretty full on in serving God and shining for Him, He knows this and is on my case refining me. You see, this issue can become a stumbling block, it can be a foothold for satan to get in and trip us up. We have to die to self…..and it’s hard. The key? If we know who we are in Christ-then it doesn’t matter any more. Bless you. Keep on dying to self and keep on writing- I shall be reading. :)

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