Say It to My Face!

Matthew 18:15-20 is one of the easiest passages to understand.

It’s not that difficult to realize that when you have an issue with someone, you go to them FIRST.

It’s doesn’t take a ton of historical or even biblical knowledge to grasp the concept that Jesus is trying to relay in these verses.

But…

For some reason, they are rarely applied.

Instead of going to our brother (or sister) in Christ, we often choose to go to our best friend instead.
Instead of pulling someone aside and explaining our issue with them, we often choose to tell someone else.
Instead of confronting someone that’s wronged us, we often gossip about them instead.

Scripture is pretty clear on what to do if someone wrongs you, but we rarely get it right.

Imagine what the application of this simple passage of scripture could do to…

Our churches.
Our families.
Our schools.
Our offices.
Our lives.

If you have a problem with someone today…
If you feel like someone has wronged you…

Talk to them about it.
Approach them with grace and humility.

That’s what Jesus would do.

16 Comments

  1. I totally agree with going to the person that you have the issue with instead of gossiping about it to your friends, but what I’ve been struggling with is when the conflict doesn’t directly involve wrong done to you, but involves a person’s integrity/morality in an organization. The person has been confronted, but still denies the issue.

    Reply
    1. Yeah, that’s tough. I think that’s when you move to the 2nd step and bring someone else in if they refuse to admit it. Maybe a mutual friend who’s in the know or their leader in the organizatin. Thanks for reading and sharing!! Anyone else have thoughts on Jessi’s comment?

      Reply
  2. Rob

    Yeah We’re dealing with that exact issue in our church. A family is having (mother-son) issues and I’m not sure what to do about it. As the youth pastor I hurt for them, and feel like something needs to be done but since it’s, as my pastor said, “a personal family issue”, do I just leave it alone? The Kid’s living in sin, and mom is too, by harboring pride, and she’s stopped coming to bible study and life group because she “has toconcentrate on family”….what’s an under-under shepherd to do?

    Reply
    1. Ewww. Yeah. One of the tough situations in ministry. I think it’s easier in that case to say, “Thats a family issue.” Not sure that’s right though. In that situation (not that I know the details or even have the answer) i guess you just have to follow the pastor’s lead. Just hate to see a family (obviously confessed Christians) life torn up from an obvious sin issue. Seems like it needs to be called out by someone…

      Thanks for reading and sharing!

      Once again, any thoughts on this situation?

      Reply
  3. Julie

    This is a great post! This is practical and straight to the point. You don’t need an Aramaic, Greek, or Hebrew interpreation of this scripture. Yet so many times we find it easier to walk away from the church (not God) behind our failure to confront or deal with the issue. Love this post! Thanks!

    Reply
  4. Maria

    Great post! A definite way for making peace with our brothers on earth. and will bring peace to our souls. Thank you.

    @mezzha – Twitter

    Reply
  5. MB

    It’s good advice. I don’t follow it nearly enough and maybe this is why. I am not fond of my inlaws…not even one bit. they are like someone who keeps picking a scab. I won’t go into all the things they have done, but its been pretty bad. However, one year I wrote my father in law a letter saying why I was upset with him. He took my family out to eat but didn’t even bring up the letter. There was nothing ever said. I think he just didn’t know what to say. So there it sat..and still sits like a gaping wound that won’t ever heal. Since then, the offenses have piled up even more. Still trying to figure out how to love people like that and forgive someone who doesn’t think he did anything wrong. I read one time from Piper that reconciliation cannot happen when the other party chooses to not engage. All we can do is wish them well, but the relationship is broken. That doesn’t mean our heart isn’t opened to forgiving. We just can’t get to that point until they make the move because we’ve exhausted what we could do on our end. Now its up to them. It’s hard though. I don’t think I’ll ever be good at this thing called forgiveness.

    Reply
    1. It’s definitely a process. Pray for your in-laws. In my experience, when you pray for someone, God kinda gives you a bit of His heart for them. Hoping God works in that situation for you. Thanks for visiting and for commenting!

      Reply
  6. MB

    Yeah that is partly my problem. I think I’m bitter at them. Not sure how to “not be” bitter. My husband gets kind of mad at me because he says I should just be able to let that stuff go. It’s not easy, that is for sure. I subscribed to your blog too. I feel like I’m in some kind of circle. I subscribe to Perkins, Dusty, and your blog now. Pretty soon blog reading will be a full time job!

    Reply
    1. I don’t think women just “let things go” like guys do. Lots of prayer and work.

      PS: if you find someone that pays for a full time blog reader, let me know. :) Really appreciate your subscription. Hope it keeps you coming back!!

      Reply
  7. Amy

    It’s good advice. I don’t follow it nearly enough and maybe this is why. I am not fond of my inlaws…not even one bit. they are like someone who keeps picking a scab. I won’t go into all the things they have done, but its been pretty bad. However, one year I wrote my father in law a letter saying why I was upset with him. He took my family out to eat but didn’t even bring up the letter. There was nothing ever said. I think he just didn’t know what to say. So there it sat..and still sits like a gaping wound that won’t ever heal. Since then, the offenses have piled up even more. Still trying to figure out how to love people like that and forgive someone who doesn’t think he did anything wrong. I read one time from Piper that reconciliation cannot happen when the other party chooses to not engage. All we can do is wish them well, but the relationship is broken. That doesn’t mean our heart isn’t opened to forgiving. We just can’t get to that point until they make the move because we’ve exhausted what we could do on our end. Now its up to them. It’s hard though. I don’t think I’ll ever be good at this thing called forgiveness.

    Reply

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