2 Things To Never Do During Conflict

I’m certainly no expert at handling conflict. I’ve made my share of “in the heat of the argument” mistakes. In all of it, though, I’ve managed to learn some things about handling conflict.

Now, we need to remember that every conflict is different. How to handle it can vary by who we’re around, who we’re disagreeing with, and what we’re disagreeing on. As a general rule, though, here are 2 things not to do during conflict.

During conflict do not…

Speak out of extreme emotion

This is tough. It’s in the heat of the moment that we have the most to say and feel the most anxiousness toward getting our opinion and feelings out.

When in conflict, though, choose to rise above the first instinct.

The truth is, every conflict needs one person that is willing to be mature and step away from the tendency to react right away. Instead, step away from the situation and think about what you’re arguing about or disagreeing with. Many times, the nature of the disagreement isn’t nearly as extreme once you step away and then re-engage.

Speak worst case scenario

It’s where our mind can tend to go. In the moment, we always jump to worst case scenario.

We want to threaten with something we believe will help us win the argument, so we jump to the worst thing we can imagine.

Don’t do it. The fact that you speak it gives some credence to it… over time, it could become more and more of a reality after the heat of the moment. Hold your tongue. Don’t say, “divorce” or “hate” or “I made a mistake with you” or “worthless” or words like them. Don’t entertain it.

What else could you say not to do during conflict?


  1. Hal Baird

    I have a close friend with whom I have at least one senseless argument a year. I’ve found the best way to handle it is to walk away, wait a couple of days, see my friend, give him a big hug and apologize (whether I’m right or wrong). That’s probably how we’ve maintained our wonderful loving relationship for over 40 years.

  2. Josie

    One of things I try to remember to do is to insert a genuine statement of affirmation about the other person into the conversation. This does two things it brings my anger down by reminding me about what I value so much about them,and it lowers their defensiveness.


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