How to Make A Friend: 3 Suggestions

This could possibly be one of the most obvious blog topics I’ve ever written about. For some reason, though, I get asked how I’m able to make friends so easily. So, I thought I’d outline a few things that I try to do (these come naturally to me, so I’m not sure how to foster these in others)

1. Speak the word.

Of course, the first rule in making a connection, networking, meeting a man/woman, or making a friend is speaking to them. This seems to get harder and harder in a culture that kinda de-values personal interaction. But if you’re going to have meaningful relationships, speak to people. Keep your head up when around new people, look for common ground, and strike up conversation.

I realize that some people won’t be the instigators of conversation, but it’s still important that you keep your head up to reciprocate when people like me instigate. :)

2. Repeat the effort.

Friendship doesn’t happen in one meeting. It takes time to build it. Make an effort.

Don’t be creepy, don’t seem like a stalker, but make an effort to speak the next time you see the person. Remember the past conversation. It shows you care, it shows you value them.

3. Lose the agenda.

Love people. That’s what it’s ultimately about. No agenda. Don’t seek to make friends, don’t seek to make a connection that will benefit you, just love people.

Your turn. Have any suggestions for making friends or building relationships?

12 Comments

  1. You know, I’ve lived in my community for 10the years and don’t have any real friends here. I know lots of people, but I’ve never been able to crack into the close-knot friendships that people around here have formed. I’ve finally given up on having a good friend close by. I’ do have a good one at work though.

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  2. This sounds cheesy – and in some ways it is really dated – but Dale Carnegie’s classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is actually really good. I read it when I was 14 and still think about it from time to time.

    Especially: “Smile” and “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

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  3. When talking with someone, always maintain eye contact. Show that you are interested in who they are and listen to their story. Meet them where they are in life. As you said, most of all love on them!!

    Awesome post. Sharing!!
    Happy Thanksgiving!!
    April

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  4. This is related to your suggestion to lose the agenda: lose your assumptions. The things we assume about people create expectations (which we may not even be aware of) that aren’t fair – because we don’t know them yet. Our assumptions also tend to be rooted in our limited experience and point of view. This isn’t always entirely possible, but we need to be watching for them: what do I assume this person believes or thinks? Am I being open to their unique perspectives and experience?

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  5. Tear down your walls.

    When we tear down our walls, we allow people in. Yes, at times (most) times we will get hurt, trust can be broken,and feelings may be hurt. The greatest return in investing into others and friendships is knowing how to love – the right way.

    Loving them still after it. More importantly, forgiving them.

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  6. “Love people. That’s what it’s ultimately about.” I love this. In our culture, it seems like making personal friendships is more about networking than loving. I’d love to see more people build relationships based on serving others than inflating themselves.

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