5 Surefire Ways to Get Fired by God

As a leader I mean…

Don’t get me wrong He’s not like Trump who gets a rise out of firing people–but there does come a time when His patience runs out and He gives people the boot!

So if you’re a leader and are desperately looking to get fired by Him here are a couple of great suggestions:

1. Be proud–He HATES pride! As much as I hate getting up at 5 in the morning, in sub-zero weather, for a long run…He hates pride even more! The best thing to do is to become as proud as you can: don’t take any advice from people, or correction, don’t listen to facts…you know it all. You don’t need ANYBODY to tell you ANYTHING different from what you already know.

2. Don’t tell the truth–You don’t even have to flat out lie to everyone…just don’t tell people what they need to hear. Why? Truth carries responsibility, and no one wants to be responsible for anything! So why should you spoil the party?? Just tell people all the stuff they want to hear, in the short run they’ll thank you for it. In fact, don’t even correct anyone! Eli had this down packed…and He got fired by God in heartbeat!

3. Don’t change anything, stick to your traditions–If it’s not broke don’t fix it! And if it IS broke just put some duct tape on it! Don’t listen to those upstarts who’re telling you that things need to change in order to better serve people…forget them!! What do they know?! Don’t listen to advice, don’t look at their “facts,” just don’t pay them any mind.

4. Don’t put strong leaders around you, hire “yes” men–Why? Strong leaders have strong opinions. And you’re the only one who’s supposed to have strong opinions! Also strong leaders are influential–they’ll steal your thunder. Look at Saul he had a strong leader in David and what happened? People started singing, “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten-thousands.” So what did Saul do? He did what any reasonable leader trying to get fired would do: he tried to kill him! Demean, criticize, belittle, do whatever you have to to get that strong leader outta there! Then replace him with a “yes” man. Someone who agrees with your agenda, your opinions, and who sees you as the unquestioned authority on everything!

5. Don’t delegate–People are not as smart as you–this is obvious. So why should they make any decisions apart from your wisdom? Every project or proposal needs to go through you! Period! Why? So people can understand how brilliant you really are. Better yet, when you leave or die, everything will fall into chaos. That’ll show ‘em how smart you were!

So there they are…the best ways to get fired by God. I was gonna include relying on everything but Him and not loving people…but if you follow those five there’s no way in the world you shouldn’t get canned!

What do you think? What did I miss?

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Guest Author:
Mike Holmes is founder of Tithehacker.com. A site dedicated to stirring up a revolution of giving. He is also the author of I Shall Raise Thee Up: Ancient Principles for Lasting Greatness. It’s a book teaching how people are raised up as they learn and apply certain time-tested and timeless principles. He is also the husband of 1 lady and the father of 2 small people.

10 Comments

  1. Mike, excellent post man! I love the direction of doing things to “get fired” by God. By far the one that I DON’T do is sticking to traditions. I loved when you said, “If it’s not broke don’t fix it! And if it IS broke just put some duct tape on it!” I truly believe that traditions are a form of slavery. They keep you in bondage and don’t allow you the opportunities not following them brings. Great work man.

    Reply
  2. Thanks Rod!

    I tried to make it comical but in reality it isn’t. God does fire people. And its always these things that seem to get people the boot! And you’re right most of our traditions are a form of slavery. But the reason why it takes institutions so long to adapt is because they profit the most from the way things were (hence newspaper, music industry, and etc).

    But I’m glad you liked it!

    Reply
  3. Proverbs 20:18 (NIV) – Make plans by seeking advice; if you wage war, obtain guidance.

    Proverbs 24:6 (NIV) – for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.

    Reply
  4. Matthew

    Great post. Made me laugh but also made me think and realize that it is currently the world we live in. Unfortunately.

    Reply

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